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KATE UPTON'S FEET and TOES
Oh how the mighty have fallen! I mean, this blog is called CELEBRITY Toe Jam and now Kate Upton, a nobody, a model that happened to appear in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, a person who is such no-celebrity that they Google their own name each and every day just to see what was written about them, is on Celebrity Toe Jam... I better change the name for this post to Models who may make it Toe Jam, just this once.
Anyway the reason I was bringing Ms. Upton to your consideration my freaky readers is simple: Don’t you think that Ms. Upton would serve humanity better as a porn star? I mean, there is nothing exceptional about her looks (well, nothing other than her being superbly HOT!). She doesn’t jump at me as a personality but rather a clothes hanger type model...
Am I alone here????
Oh and about her feet: Standard issue model feet, big feet (as they tend to be tall, those models), long toes but nothing ugly about them. Some of you may even find her feet sexy but as for me, I am bored, really bored by Ms. Upton.
I think I may stop now, I am falling asleep at the keyboard!
MALIN AKERMAN'S FEET AND TOES
So what do we have here? I will tell you: the exact opposite of Megan Fox (from the last post). This woman is everything a guy should look for in a woman: Pretty, smart, funny, Talented and not that I know her or anything but from interviews I have seen, she has got a freaky (cool) side to her.
But this is celebrity feet blog so let’s get the ugly truth out in the open: She has webbed toes on her right foot. This used to be a big no-no for me at some point. However, since I have grown as a person (don’t worry I am still a douche...) I tend to skip minor details for the overall picture... so while she does not have the world’s most perfect feet, she will do... more than do... she is everything you freaks should aspire to find in a woman. Now get to jerking off and finish before reading my next hate filled paragraph.
Malin Akerman is everything that old bitch, Carmen Diaz, was supposed to be... however, Carmen chose to get old childless ( a career choice of a bitter cold bitch) and I bet that by the parade of guys who have passed through that meat hole she calls a vagina , she will also get old without a man to love her. I don’t mean she won’t have a man, she is good looking enough to get someone to pound her and in a hormone induced fit that poor sap may even admit his "love" for her... what I meant that she won’t ever have true love. Anyway back to Malin - this woman is a ray of sunshine is every movie she plays in. As a small non-VIP type guy, I think she is what old time movie actresses used to be, awe inspiring.
Bottom line mother fuckers: Malin is great and if you got problems with her feet (justified problems, I must admit), get the fuck over it. I like her and that should be enough for you morons with small dick and deformed vaginas (I know there are women among you) to go on.
MEGAN FOX'S FEET AND TOES
Oh Megan, how you blew it! I mean you were on top of the world, the new starlet to capture Hollywood's eye (and pretty much every man's desire, even if it was only for a one night stand). But you blew it and not by accident but by hard work. I mean, how stupid can you be? You knew you're not smart, I mean, I am sure you must have known or at least your unemployed boyfriend (now husband) must have known... how come no one told you to shut your trap? Why did you have to say everything that is stupid and provocative? In the name of what? of being seen as a smart person? WTF was going through your peanut brain?
Anyway, nowadays you’re a nobody (I really had to think hard if to even include you in this blog as you are not a celebrity anymore (maybe a Z list celebrity)... but you are a hot piece of ass so I figured, I might as well give my sick readers a reason to wank off to your cute feet.
YES, I said it, you have cute feet! (Although you may want to rethink those red flip-flops I see in almost every second picture in the collection I have)...
So bottom line: You're pretty. You have an issue with your thumbs (what’s up with that?). Your feet are absolutely cute. Your mouth should remain shut from now until eternity. As for your future in the entertainment industry, I got one word for you: PORN!
